Dating Preferences Can Change

According to Our Lived Experiences

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I am a 38-year-old woman who feels (and often gets told that I look) ten years younger than I am. I always imagined that I would end up with a man who is up to ten years younger than I am!

However, in recent months, I have gotten to know some lovely older gents via the theatre, and it has made me so much more open-minded about the type of man that I would like to date now or in the future.

Photo by Angelika Agibalova on Unsplash

My “Type”

For years, I had a “type” that I typically went for - I was a sucker for blue-eyed boys. Brian Litrell from the Backstreet Boys was my dream man. Younger Brian had great morals, positive energy and a dreamy, unique look about him.

Many women are into “Tall, dark and handsome” men 🙄. I, on the other hand, tended to have crushes on men who were my height or shorter (I’m just under 5”9). I found shorter men more visually appealing and felt that they often had more fire in their bellies. That appealed to me because I’m a little slow myself!

The guy I labelled “The one that got away” was exceptionally tall, however, 6”5 with brown eyes and brown hair. That was the first time I realised that having a “Type” is nonsense. Quite often, the men (or women) that we develop feelings for end up looking nothing like what we imagine. Magically, our type transforms into something else!

That said, I still tended to fall back to my usual “type” (when seen on paper).

Photo by Rana Sawalha on Unsplash

Younger to Older Men

My “type” has finally matured, however! In the past, I would have had no interest in a man who is older than me and who has a child or two. I also have never been attracted to bold men or men with beards (Sorry, I’m just being honest!)

However, I now find the idea of dating an older man quite appealing! Boldness and Beards no longer repell me. Some men pull it off!

I also now find it quite appealing if a man is a father; it means that he has had to look after and care about more than just himself, and that’s an attractive quality. It may also be that I have daddy issues! I was raised without a father, so seeing a man be a good father is a beautiful thing to see.

I like the idea of dating an older man because I want a man who feels stable. A man who can be my patient, loving and calm rock. I’m not interested in younger men who are still playing the field and care too much about their appearance and their selfish desires.

Of course - not all younger men are like that! But I feel like an older man would be more interested in being a loving provider. I’m no gold digger by any means, but I’m also not financially stable right now, so finding a man who is would bring more comfort and security into my life

For example, I have no idea where I will be living come springtime! My dream would be to buy the family home, but the way things are looking right now, that dream is unattainable. If I found a man with a stable job who I could buy this home with, that would be amazing! (It’s free to dream! 😉)

Photo by Alexander Sinn on Unsplash

FindSomeone Match

I recently stumbled across a man on a New Zealand dating site called FindSomeone. He is a tidy, kind-looking bearded man, 7 years my senior.

I wrote him a thoughtful message on the 22nd of March, but this message got stored as a draft. You needed to be a paying member to be able to message people.

I sent him a smile instead. He kindly returned the gesture, even though he couldn’t see any of my pics. I prefer to stay anonymous on that site and only share my photos with those I am interested in. There are a lot of creepy, desperate men on that site, and I would rather avoid having to reject them if possible.

Five days later, I updated my empty profile pic to a kitten pic, and I explained in my description that I only wanted to share my pictures with a few select favourites. I hoped that he could see my hidden pics after I added him as a Favourite and ticked the “Share photos” box.

Unfortunately, he still couldn't. However, he was intrigued enough to become a gold member, and he sent me a short message, pointing out that I had a very private profile.

He has since seen three of my photos and read my original intro message. He said that I seem like a lovely person, and he likes the way I write 🙂 He has one son, but he is 16 years old and lives with each parent 50/50.

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

Keeping an Open Mind and Heart

I’m happy that I have opened up my mind a bit more in terms of what type of man I am looking for. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if my future partner is older or younger than me; all that matters is that he has a good, kind and loving heart, that he has something in life that he is passionate about, and that our personalities blend well together.

I may have been unlucky in love up until now, but I will never stop believing that true love exists. We just have to keep an open mind and heart to whoever the Universe may send our way 😊 Sometimes, that person may not have been on our original “checklist”, but they may be better than what we could have imagined for ourselves. Love works in mysterious ways!

May we all find someone who brings out the best in us, and vice versa.

With Love,

Heidi Nobel